Monday, 20 June 2016

Resolution Update No. 2

pink flowers

Suddenly, I've found myself halfway through 2016, and to be honest I'm not quite sure how that happened because I'm sure it was only Christmas five minutes ago. But no, it's definitely June - it must be, because it's pouring with rain outside but somehow still hot and humid.

This means I'm six months into my New Year's Resolution, which was to believe in myself. I was very optimistic about suddenly changing a lifetime's worth of negative thinking at the start of the year, though once I actually started I found it surprisingly difficult. It wasn't until I started taking antidepressants in February that I noticed a difference in my way of thinking. Medication doesn't magically make me a more positive person - but it certainly helps when I'm trying to see the silver lining in situations, or visualise something I want to work towards. It's like my thoughts aren't so clouded anymore.

I have my good days and bad days. On my bad days, I beat myself up for being too anxious to work full time or be independent. On my good days, I remind myself that I'm working around that and that I can still be successful, even if it's in an unconventional way. I remind myself my efforts on my blog and channel will pay off.

For the second half of 2016, I want to take things further. I want to act like someone who loves and believes in themselves, even if I don't. I want to respect my body and make more effort to exercise. I want to be proud of my work and open an Etsy store. I want to introduce myself to people as a photographer/blogger/vlogger instead of saying "Hello, I'm Alice, I'm a part-time Administrative Assistant who works from home because I hate going outside and talking to people." Oh, and that reminds me - I want to stop beating myself up, too.

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