Monday, 22 February 2016

Resolution Update


Remember that New Year's Resolution I wrote about before the beginning of the year? The one about how I was going to believe in myself? Well, I thought I'd give you a bit of an update on how that's all going.

Telling myself that I'm actually capable of doing something is a lot harder than I originally anticipated, so for the time being I'm trying my best to fake it. I think of how I would act if I had a shred of confidence, and then I replicate that. 

For example, I managed to get myself some work experience doing photography and videography, simply by sending an email that I was convinced wouldn't even get a response. Now for the first two days of this work experience, I was terrified - but I tried to imagine how someone who had done this before would act, how they would talk to their colleagues and how they would shoot footage. Then I tried to act like such a person. I noticed on the third day that I didn't have to act so much anymore. Everything felt more natural... almost like I actually knew what I was doing.

I'm not saying my life has magically transformed in the seven weeks since I started implementing this resolution, because it hasn't. So far in 2016 I've had some of the worst panic attacks I've had in years, I've felt depressed and hopeless, and I still don't like my reflection when I look in the mirror. But what I am saying is that I've managed to persevere. I hope as the year goes on I will find it easier to believe in myself.

In a nutshell... I'm trying.



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